I frequently share updates about my clients on social media, which aligns with my work as a publicist. Although not everyone engages with my posts, and it sometimes feels like I’m speaking to an empty room, I know from analytics that many people are watching and reading. I’ve learned that even if likes and comments are scarce, the audience is still there.
When someone likes my posts or leaves a positive comment, it is an endorphin rush. Social media often feels like a big networking event or party. When someone compliments you in front of everyone, saying, “Beautiful dress,” it boosts your confidence and feels validating. In a room, everyone hears it, and it feels good, but online, that same comment reaches a much larger audience. The endorsement extends beyond the moment, lasting as long as the post exists.
But what happens when someone attacks your appearance, story or credentials with a critical comment that leads to humiliation or embarrassment?
Growing up in the South, I learned many social etiquette rules, including: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. This code guided our social interactions. Unfortunately, not everyone follows etiquette rules today. As a result, we invest considerable effort in teaching children about bullying—especially online— where they spend most of their time. Sadly, it’s not just children who face critical remarks and public humiliation; professionals are also victims of cyberbullying.
Meet Danielle
My client asked me to collaborate with a holistic nutrition expert for a media campaign on managing long COVID-19 and Lyme disease. Danielle’s credentials differ from the typical registered dietician (RD) or medical doctor (MD), so my challenge was to present her to the media without misrepresenting her qualifications and find a story angle that was the best fit. What sets Danielle apart from her professional peers is her personal experience with long COVID-19 and Lyme disease.
Due to circumstances beyond her control, Danielle’s journey took an unconventional route. She became a certified health coach at 19, and later earned a Bachelor of Science degree in nutrition. After losing her parents at 13, she had to support herself, which meant forgoing a full dietetic internship. Despite this, she was recruited in her 20s to work with top functional doctors in Manhattan and develop nutraceuticals for specialists across New York, including consulting roles with Douglas and Davinci Labs. At 31, Danielle was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, and seven years later, she contracted chronic Lyme disease. She healed herself naturally and now helps others with chronic illnesses. While she doesn’t claim to be an RD or MD, Danielle’s deep nutritional knowledge complemented by her empathy, kindness and certification in various mind-body modalities, makes her a tremendous resource for people suffering similar immune-compromising conditions.
The Attack
After thoroughly vetting Danielle’s background, I decided to feature her as the spokesperson for my client’s publicity campaign. Clearly presenting her as a holistic nutrition expert and being transparent about her background, we highlighted her personal journey with Lyme disease and long COVID-19 as our main media hook. Journalists were captivated by Danielle’s story and impressed with her pursuit of a career in nutrition to help others, making her natural health message both authentic and well-received.
At industry conferences it is often discussed, ad nauseam, about the unjust challenges journalists pose to dietary supplements and alternative medicine. So, I was stunned when, after posting one of Danielle’s positive media interviews on LinkedIn, someone from within our own industry publicly questioned her credibility.
About an hour after posting, I saw a comment from a PhD, RD, I was connected to through LinkedIn but had never met. I initially felt excited, thinking he must have praised Danielle’s interview. However, as I read his comment, I saw he was challenging Danielle’s credentials with a series of critical questions. I quickly provided the answers, as I had thoroughly vetted her and was prepared for such inquiries. Despite my detailed response, the backlash intensified. His connections, also PhDs and RDs, chimed in, criticizing Danielle’s education.
The Response
My initial reaction to this gang of RD cyberbullies was to confront the PhD, RD, and his followers directly. What harm was Danielle doing? Were titles that triggering? Did they even listen to her interview or read her bio? I doubted it. Why were they publicly attacking her for advising people to get more sleep, eat vegetables, take immune-boosting supplements, use compression therapy, and meditate or pray?
Don’t Defend: Rather than reacting impulsively online, I first reached out to Danielle to inform her of the situation and make sure she was OK. She was understandably upset, but once we set emotions aside, we could focus on a strategy. It’s tempting to defend yourself immediately, but with a cyberbully, that approach is rarely productive.
Responding to a cyberbully often proves counterproductive. To begin with, it feeds the bully by giving them the attention they crave, reinforcing their behavior. Additionally, engaging with them online can escalate the situation, leading to more intense interactions and boosting the conversation on social media platforms so more people see it, which can lead to gang cyberbullying. These defaming interactions online can also take an emotional toll on the victim, causing stress and anxiety. Keep in mind that cyberbullies rarely seek constructive dialogue, so responses are unlikely to resolve the issue or change their behavior. Engaging in such interactions can also harm your reputation, especially since these exchanges are public. Dealing with cyberbullies can waste valuable time and energy that could be better spent on developing a more strategic response, which is what Danielle and I opted to do.
Preserve the Post: The simplest way to manage the backlash against Danielle would have been to delete the post, as I controlled its existence. What seems like a straightforward solution can backfire. I once witnessed a professional face a cyberbully’s attack after posting a photo with colleagues at an association event. When criticized for her members lacking diversity and substance, she deleted the post, only for the bully to screenshot it, repost it, and accuse her of hiding something. The deletion made it look like she was trying to cover it up, amplifying, rather than mitigating, the attack.
I generally don’t advise deleting your social media post, because keeping it preserves evidence for reporting purposes and holds the bully accountable. It also allows your network to see and respond to the situation, which is what happened in the case of Danielle’s attack. Many of the prestigious medical doctors she works with saw the PhD, RD, attacks and chimed in with comments of endorsements, praising Danielle’s work with their patients. Keeping the post in place as is, even if you don’t respond to the cyberbully, demonstrates your refusal to be silenced, and can shine a light on anyone who engages in cyberbullying. Danielle and I chose to keep the post on my LinkedIn page and let the comments fly without engaging. A year later, the post remains, clearly showcasing the bullies for what they are. While some have deleted their comments, those comments that remain are a testament to their character and behavior.
Send a Private Message: When the PhD, RD, cyberbully and his colleagues launched their attack with sarcastic remarks to underscore the importance of being an RD, Danielle decided to respond privately. She first researched the attacker, discovering they shared a Jewish background, and then crafted a thoughtful message. She began with, “I don’t know you, and you clearly don’t know me. If you knew my character, you wouldn’t try to defame me publicly.” Danielle explained her background, including her self-supported education, her struggle with chronic illnesses, and her commitment to nutrition without claiming to be an RD or MD. She questioned why he chose to insult her publicly instead of reaching out privately. She concluded with a piece of Jewish wisdom: “A wise person lets knowledge stand on its own merit rather than judge it by its source.”
Direct messaging a cyberbully instead of engaging publicly on your social media page is beneficial because it reduces public attention and potential escalation, promotes a more constructive dialogue, and minimizes the negative impact on your contacts and followers. Handling the situation privately protects reputations, both yours and the cyberbully, and gives you better control over the conversation. If you need evidence or documentation, you’ll still have it without the pressure of a public audience. In the case of Danielle, she received a quick, positive, but cautious response from the cyberbully, which ended his attack and calmed his followers.
Coming Face-to-Face With the Cyberbully
Later that year, I was invited to introduce an industry expert on stage at a major conference. As I reviewed his bio, I realized I was about to introduce Danielle’s cyberbully. Fate works in mysterious ways. Although we had never met, our first encounter was to be on stage, with me introducing him. There was so much I wanted to say, but the Southern girl in me knew it was best to stick to the script. I prepared my remarks carefully, though I hoped to confront him privately about his online attacks against Danielle.
Backstage, I felt like Dorothy finally reaching the Wizard in The Wizard of Oz. As I approached, I saw him—avoiding eye contact and hiding in a corner, seeming more like a frightened man than a threat. Just as Dorothy discovered the Wizard was merely a “bad man” behind a curtain, I realized this cyberbully was just that—a bully, not to be feared.
I introduced myself and asked him to review my introduction. I could see the apprehension in his eyes, likely fearing a confrontation. The Southern girl in me chose to keep her mouth shut and spare him the drama. On stage, I delivered a glowing introduction of him, emphasizing his credentials. After his talk, he quickly left, avoiding further interaction.
My hope is that this “wizard” cyberbully will think twice before he pulls a lever of insults on other professionals behind the safety of his screen and keyboard. In the end, your credentials won’t define you—your words and actions will. NIE
Amy Summers, founder and president of Pitch Publicity, has three decades of experience working with major clients in the natural products industry to increase national publicity exposure across all mass media outlets, while also developing key strategic communication strategies. As a pioneer in remote work and virtual mentorship, she launched INICIVOX to help individuals improve a wide-range of soft skills centered on the complexity of communications. Her influential career has garnered her recognition as a PR News Top Women Awards Honoree in the Business Entrepreneurs category, acknowledging her unwavering dedication to the public relations profession. Headquartered in New York, NY, Summers is committed to supporting and nurturing the growth of the natural products industry that has served her well throughout her career. Learn more at www.pitchpublicitynyc.com. Receive free daily pitch tips from “The Pitch with Amy Summers” on Amazon’s Alexa, Google Play, iTunes, Spotify, Audible, Pandora and: www.INICIVOX.com.
